What If My Partner Does Not Want to Attend Mediation? Here are 5 Things You Need to Know
When you’re trying to resolve family issues, one of the most common and frustrating questions I hear is: What if my partner does not want to attend mediation? Here are 5 things you need to know. Whether it’s your ex-partner, co-parent, or the other party in a family dispute, it can be difficult when they refuse to engage in a process that’s meant to avoid the stress, cost, and delay of going to court.
Here are five important things I’ve learned that might help you move forward:
1. Refusing Mediation Can Have Legal Consequences
The first thing I usually consider when someone asks how to bypass family mediation or how to skip mediation is this: attending mediation is often a legal requirement before applying to the family court.
Judges are working with overloaded schedules and are generally less sympathetic to a person who simply refuses to engage in family mediation. In many cases, courts expect both parties to at least attempt to resolve their issues outside the courtroom. If your ex-partner refuses, they risk financial penalties and being viewed less favourably by the judge.
So, if you’re asking what if the other parent doesn’t want to attend mediation, a good first step is to let them know that refusing to attend could hurt their case in court.
2. Mediation Doesn’t Mean You Have to Be in the Same Room
A common reason people avoid mediation is fear or discomfort about being in the same space as their ex. That’s why I often explain the option of shuttle mediation.
If one of you doesn’t want to speak directly to the other, the mediator can hold the session with you both in separate rooms/shuttle mediation (or separate video calls). This is particularly useful when there has been a history of domestic abuse. Not every case qualifies for mediation, and the family mediator will assess suitability during the MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting), but it’s worth knowing that this option exists.
3. You Can Still Apply to Court Without Them
Many people don’t realise that you can move forward even if the other person doesn’t want to come to mediation.
After you attend your MIAM, the mediator can issue you a certificate proving that you tried to engage in mediation, while the other party did not. That certificate is essential if you need to apply to court. In this case, you would be the applicant, and they would be the respondent—a position that many people find uncomfortable and disempowering.
Sometimes, just explaining this to the other party encourages them to change their mind.
4. Your MIAM Is Confidential and Affordable
Even if the other person won’t engage, attending your own MIAM still gives you a valuable opportunity. It’s completely confidential, and you can speak freely with the mediator about your concerns and options.
Our MIAM fees start from just £85, unless you qualify for legal aid, in which case it could be completely free. For such a low cost, you receive essential information about your rights, the court process, and whether mediation might still be possible.
5. You Get Support for What Comes Next
Attending your MIAM gives you a chance to prepare for court, even without a solicitor. Most people leave the session with a clearer idea of what to expect, what to say to the judge, and how to present their case at court without lawyers.
If you’re self-representing, we can also point you towards direct access barristers and other useful resources. Please note that this kind of support is usually only available to those who are not already working with a solicitor.
Final Thoughts
If you’re still asking what if my partner does not want to attend mediation, my advice is: don’t give up. You can’t force someone to engage—but you can take the right steps to protect yourself, your children, your finances and your legal position.
For more details about family mediation, your options, and the costs involved, please get in touch with us via phone at admin@familymediationservices.co.uk. If you’re on a low income, ask us about applying for a free MIAM and mediation—you might be eligible for legal aid.